Tag Archives: Awareness

Day 97 – Role Models: A Moment of Awareness

The busiest place to be is in your own mind. ~ Anonymous

Experiences often depict lessons in our journey of life and living. Some experiences are so rich in substance they bring light to lessons equally as rich. Such experiences brought about my transformation. I have come to learn that I define my life in terms of my energy.
When my energy is high I am enjoying what I am doing and how I am spending my time. When my energy is deflated, usually so is my mood. Therefore to
effectively live my life with ultimate happiness I have come to realize that I needed to make some life changes.

This reality came to me when at work. My company resembles an envelope to me for it holds tightly all of my passions. I built it as a means to express my passion for life and my love of humanity. It holds the means to express myself in a way that I have not discovered
before. It allows me to relay a message of hope, love and excitement in a meaningful, rewarding way. My Company, which is evidently my passion and life’s purpose was
derailed and considerably compromised. This took a complete toll on my energy and I was suddenly in overactive mode. The busiest place to be is in your own mind.

Fueled by the fighting for survival and to protect what was mine I was using vast reserves of harvested positive energy for negative purposes. At first it wasn’t the fight that bothered me but the awareness of my depleting energy and will to fight. Fighting
regardless of the cause was just not in me. Fighting does not breed passion. It dawned on me that this was the reason that I was losing steam. I was fighting for my will to help others through my company vision and mission and now this was at stake. If I don’t have energy for my passion, what did I have energy for? I ended up losing the fight, my company, my house, and my car along with all of my personal possessions. Although material possessions were a comfort they were never the be-all, end-all for me. It wasn’t about losing my ‘stuff’ as much as it was feeling like I was removed from the stage of purpose I had created over the last 13 years.

Contemplating this entire situation required months of deep self discovery, quiet time, alone time and then reaching out. Having faith and love guided my thoughts and kept me searching for ways to rebuild my energy and zest for my life’s purpose. I had to let go of the control that resided in me. No one person can take my passion away or my freedom to live my life with positive purpose. This rests in my hands and is up to me to figure out a way.

I began Contemplating:
My awareness was a troubling reality. What had happened to my life?

The answer came to me in a painting. I paint in dialogue; creating colors that resemble thoughts and composed together create messages, thoughts and inquiries. The end result is the answer. My answer was clear. Crystal.

I had lost focus of my passion long ago. In running a business with inflated growth caused me to divert from what I set out to do in the first place: make a difference in the lives of others. With focus shifting to financing the business in a recession to the financier calling their loan I was no longer working from a place of passion but a place of obligation and survival of financial realities.

The goal of the company was changing to survival instead of living with purpose. I allowed the challenges to swallow up the passion and dull the energy. Later discovering that not all people that offered guidance were working from a place of integrity and honor but of a dark place, there was no way around the closure. I was in over my head. Intelligence can offer ulterior motives. I wanted my dream to live my passion so badly that I failed to see the light of what was taking place around me. I witnessed being willfully blind in the face of living my dreams and the thought of helping others. I didn’t accomplish either in the end.

This crucial and most valuable lesson caused me to look deep within myself and discover who and what I am truly made of. This caused a moment of realization and confrontation of where and how I fell off my journey of living with passion and making a difference to others. I became vividly aware that my future actions needed a greater inner power to sustain what was up ahead.

This moment of truth led me to understand what I would do in the face of survival. I allowed distractions of money, power and control over what really mattered. I could not allow this to happen again for it possessed an unimaginable greed that I never wanted to witness near my life’s passion again. Greed has no place in my ultimate purpose in this life.
Without this experience I may not have come to realize the magnitude of my purpose and passion for life, what I am made of and the opportunity to discover how to make it right. I must live with passion or face living with music left within me. I will strive to allow my moral compass to guide me in all of my pursuits and endeavors choosing integrity and community above all possible emptiness.

There are songs that live within me that are yet to be heard, just as there are many winds of change ahead that will attempt to derail another journey. This time around, I know what it takes to stay on track and keep my focus on what truly matters. I am willing to embrace life with the energy of my passion and forge ahead bravely for no one else can sing the song that belongs to another.

Written by a Toronto based Artist who chooses to remain anonymous and is on a transformational journey after recently battling corporate legal battles and losing all personal possessions.